(About) ‘Either I’m Good at Something, or I’m Not’

This statement is limited and unresourceful thinking at the most basic level, so it’s a great place to start unravelling . . .

The thing about this statement—like most fixed beliefs of the critical unconscious mind —is that it’s based in ‘fear’ and ‘doubt’ . . .You’ll find it’s a common thread with people; the fear of appearing bad at something – ‘Failing’. And, therefore the self-doubt about being good at something – ‘Pulling it off’


The “Truer-Truth” is:

How can we possibly know we’re bad at something if we don’t try it?

And, how do we know we can’t improve unless we attempt to do so?

Additionally, we can only succeed by being willing to fail!


The growth mindset alternative is:

‘If I’m currently not able to do something or do it as well as I’d like, I continually become better at it through practice’.



There’s No Point in Trying if I’m Going to Fail

Have you been managing yourself as someone who has self-doubt/fear rear its ugly head and assesses your efforts with scorn.
Get face to face with the reality – you will fail. You might fail multiple times. You might fail spectacularly. So what?

Every failure we face is an opportunity to look at the situation in a whole new light. It leaves you with a decision to make doesn’t it? – Wondering what to do next!

The answer to this question, is one that will determine every single move you make from then on. How much you’re willing to risk or if you will risk at all. So, make the decision based on “How very much I want it?” and not on ‘trying to not fail’.

Growth mindset alternative: ‘I know that failures are opportunities to learn and reassess what’s needed next time, to gain what it takes and to blossom as a person’

I Can’t Learn/Achieve ‘x’ Now; It’s Too Late

Growth mindset alternative: ‘I can learn whatever I want or need to at anytime and take as long as it takes, as long as I am taking action I will learn/achieve ‘x”

I Take Feedback as a Personal Attack

Sometimes other people don’t know how to criticise constructively or don’t care to, or are deeply resentful of themselves and take it out on you by denouncing your efforts.

Conversely, you may merely be perceiving what people are offering as ‘negative’ because of that ‘not-good-enoughness’ from the critical mind, when (really) they are trying to be helpful.

The thing we have to remember about any feedback is that it’s never ever specifically about us.

Separate the words from the intent and learn to focus only on what you can take away that’s useful to you.

Growth mindset alternative: “I can find the value in every bit of feedback I receive”

I Always Struggle with this

Growth mindset can be summed up in the famous words of the philosopher Descartes: “I think, therefore I am”.

Such a statement as the one above is self-affirming and self-fulfilling. If we believe that we ‘always’ struggle with something, then we can’t access that part of our brain that could potentially help us understand it better.

Growth mindset alternative: ‘I can always do better at something if I want to, but it will take effort’.

I Feel Like a Failure when I’m Aware of the Success of Others

Why are we so determined to be put out by the prosperity of others? It’s something we should be celebrating because it is ‘possibility’.

Others success serves to remind us that despite an inherently human trait of being conditioned to fear-failure, which prevents us from succeeding, we also possess potential and can get ourself outside that conditioning and wire ourselves for ‘possibility’ – this is something that is accessible to all of us, rather than a chosen few.

Growth mindset alternative: ‘When I witness others succeed, it’s a reminder that I can too.’ ‘I am focusing more of my attention on believing it’s possible for me to succeed than I will focus otherwise’.

I Can’t Make This Work or Be Any Better (because of the circumstances or others will)

Growth mindset alternative: ‘I’m going to believe that it’s on may way not in my way’.

My Current Abilities Are the Measure of My Outcomes

This is the notion of fixed intelligence. Only, we understand that the brain changes as we use it.

Like a muscle that grows bigger and stronger with use and diminishes without it, the mind-brain grows stronger and enhances what we ‘know’ that we practice and withers back when we don’t practice it (give it attention through meaning or significance).

Growth mindset alternative: ‘My commitment and effort are the true measures of my outcomes.’

I Already Know this/that or I Know Everything I Need to Know about this/that

This is pretty dangerous assumption. This is someone who isn’t growing. Historically, how many times have we all claimed this in one way or another?

It benefits us to approach life believing that no matter how smart we think we are or may be, we always have something new to learn.

Growth mindset alternative: ‘Let me look at this newly and see what comes up for me’.

I’ve Always Been Told That I Can’t ‘x’

Someone else’s opinion of us needn’t become our reality.

No matter what we believe about ourselves because of what someone else in the past has told us, we can transform those beliefs into ones that empower us, rather than hold us back.

Growth mindset alternative: ‘No one can know my potential. I don’t yet know my potential. I am discovering it for myself, independent from outside opinion or the influence of the critical mind’.

Oh Well it is What it is

The limits of invalidation that we unconsciously impose on ourselves are tremendously powerful at directing us to either struggle or improve in a limited way!

When our mind-brain is continuously introduced and immersed with a specific belief, again and again, it becomes an unconscious “truth”.

We can’t blame ourselves, or even others, for being conditioned by the beliefs we were brought up with when we were younger.

Growth mindset alternative: ‘I’m going to believe that it’s here to serve me’.


When you begin to shift them remember to write your realisations and breakthroughs down to anchor the new way of being.

It is never, ever too late – to adopt a lifelong growth mindset!!

Fur xoxo

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